Hetalia Play
by hetaliaalfredfjones
Summary: basically a play for Hetalia, for some of it, there is not much of a plot. this is because doesn't really carry much of a plot in the first part, Axis Powers. Not my cover image btw. I made references to other animes and all jokes are made in fun. I sorta quoted Avatar: The Last Airbender
1. Chapter 1

Hetalia Axis Musical…thing…

Narrator: Long ago, on a place called Earth, two parts of it named Pan and Gea existed in harmony. Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Pan and Gea split apart. This separation caused many of today's countries to form, such as-

Italy: [prances on stage]

Ciao~ I'm Italy! Ve~ PAAAAAASSSSSSSTTTTTTTAAAAAAAA~!

Germany: [stomps onto stage with Japan following] IIITTTAAALLLYYY!

Italy: Aah! G-G...Hello Germany…

[laughs nervously]

Germany: What did I tell you about running away from training?!

Italy: IF I did, you would make me work even more?

Japan: [inaudible gasp]

Italy: B-But I can explain…

Germany: [sighs in exasperation]

Fine, but it better be a good explanation, or else, you're going to get it.

Italy: VE~ [ claps hands together].

Well Germany. I heard somebody off in the distance talking, so I got curious and went to check it out, like any Italian would do. So then, when I came over here, I saw all of these wonderful people looking at us, as if we are in a show or something, ve~.

Japan: Itary, you broke the fourth warr. Now everything is going to go awry.

Italy: [tilts head to side in confusion]

Fourth….wall?

Japan: Mr. Germany, may I exprain.

Germany: [places hand(S) on temples to somehow relieve stress]

JA, might as well, I've wasted enough time anyway. Go on.

Japan: [bows to Germany]

Hai. So, Itary. The fourth warr is the barrier between the audience and the entertainment. The way to break it is to tark to the audience or either the camera firming the program.

Italy: so, your saying. If I talk to the Audience, I'll be breaking the fourth wall. Haha, take that Donald Trump!

Germany: [face palm]

Italy: [turns and talks to the audience]

ciao! So, are you guys enjoying yourselves so far? How's the popcorn?!

[starts doing the jive] Anyone here from Cincinnati.

Japan: Itary, please stop, after a whire it gets ord…we want to save it for rater

Germany: Anyway, let's move this along, shall we? I'm Germany. The country that keeps breaking the fourth wall is Italy, as he probably already mentioned. And the other is Japan.

Japan: Konnichiwa [bows]

Italy: Well, that's all for us, the axis powers. Ve~ I hope you enjoy the show. And remember, Pasta for president, 2016

Germany: Grrrrr, Italy!

[chases italy of stage]

Japan: [unsure switching, sighs and bows]

sayonara

[exits stage]

Part ii

Narrator: Anyway, like was saying before I was interrupted. This separation caused many of today's countries to form, such as-

America: WOAH DUDE, ENGLAND! LOOK AT ALL OF THESE PEOPLE! HEY DUDES AND DUDETTES. I BET YOU CAME TO SEE THE HERO IN ACTION! All right! I-

England: what is it America? [turns and looks at audience]

hmm…well I highly doubt that people are here just to witness your "heroicness" of which you so falsely claim

America: Oh c'mon dude….But seriously, if they're not here for me, who are they here for?

France: [walks on stage with much suave and swagger] ohonhonhonhon~ well, that question is easy to answer, oui.

[flips hair majestically]

The lovely audience is obviously here to see me. Ohonhonhonhonhon~

[blows kiss to audience and winks]

Random audience member 1: [swoon]

England: [scoff]

oh please, if they are here to see you, then that's like saying that America is not fat and that I'm a monkey's uncle.

America: [flips off England secretly]

France: that can be arranged, Angleterre.

England: why you…..

[France and England fight]

America: Hey…hey…DUDES STOP!

[Francis and England continue fighting]

Canada: [attempts to shout, just enough to be heard] Everybody stop fighting!

America: Yea! You're upsetting Canada!

[Francis and England stop fighting]

England: [raises eyebrow in question]

Who….who's Canada?

America: my brother!

England: [still confused]

France: [le gasp]

I am sorry mon petit Canada. I must have lost my composure, even though the black sheep of Europe started it

[crosses arms and glares at England with disdain]

England: [copies Francis's body pose]

well…That frog over there provoked me!

France: well I never…

[France and England start bickering again]

China: [walks on stage]

Aiyah! You two, stop being so childish and stop with all the fighting! I am too old to be stressed out by your endless bickering

France and England: sorry China

Russia: Da. Why can not we all just be the friends ^J^

England: [trembles in fear and cowers behind France]

R-Russia?!

Russia: [simple hand wave]

Hello.

America: Hey, Russia. Dude, did you totally check out the vid I sent you?

Russia: [looks through phone]

Da. It was quite…..interesting I-

Narrator: Before we get ahead of ourselves….and since the fourth wall has already been broken multiple times, might as well finish introductions

America: Okay! I'm America, and I'm the hero!

[strikes hero pose]

All except for America: [facepalm]

England: I am the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland…or Just England.

France: I am France, the country of love, ohonhonhon~ [blows kiss to audience AND WINKS]

Random audience member 2: I LOVE YOU FRANCE!

[SWOON]

France: ohonhonhon~

England: [rolls eyes]

Oi…

Russia: Hello! I am Russia. I hope that we can become one one day, Da?

China: I'm China, the oldest country, aru. If you are wondering how old, I could give you a rough estimate, or you could go look it up, aru.

Narrator: Someone's salty.

England: Well, I think that's all…umm O-

France and America: You forgot about Canada

England: Who?

America: Ugh…My brother

Canada: Hello…..I'm Canada, America's o-older brother….People often mistake me for h-him though…or forget about me in general….but, It's okay as long as I have my polar bear friend Kumakichi with me.

Kumajiro: [looks up at Canada]

who are you?

Canada: I'm Canada

America: well, that's all for us, the Allies.

Russia: have fun and enjoy, Da.

2: America's Dance Battle with Russia

America: Haha! Dude, your dance moves are totally whack.

Russia: What do you mean? They are totally not the whack. They are the cool, Da.

America: Oh yea, you think so dude?!

Russia: Da, I do!

America: well then, let's put your "mad skillz" to the test.

Russia: you mean…like, the dance off?

America: Yea!

Prussia: Welcome everyone to the first annual Dance off. Our competitors today are….America…

Crowd: [cheers]

Prussia: and Russia!

Crowd: [silence]

America begins

[totally sweet American dubstep plays]

Crowd: [cheers]

America: [panting, slightly out of breath]

T-Think you can do better, Ivan?

Russia: Da!

Crowd: [silence]

[rad awesome Russian dubstep plays]

Crowd: [cheers]

America: [stares at Russia, wide eyed and opened mouth, speechless]

Russia: Well, that was the fun, right America?

America: [nods speechlessly]

Russia: Good job America, and may the better man win [holds out hand to shake America's]

America: [returns the handshake]

Prussia: the results are In, Und I , _the awesome Prussia_ , your host, have them in this sealed envelope….

[begins to open up envelope]

Und the winner is…..coming back right after the break

America: really dude…..

Prussia: I was just kidding kesesese~, this isn't even on the air

Russia: I would love it if you would get to the results now

Prussia: [salty face]

Fine….The winner is [insert winner here]

America: Good job dude, you were actually really good.

Russia: as were you America.

Prussia: That's the end of our show, please join us for another Hetalia dance off. I'm your host, Prussia, thank you Und good night!

[mein gott plays]

3: Baking with Germany

Germany: Hallo, It's me Germany and today we will be making baumkuchen

First, you will need 1 cup of butter, room temperature, ¾ cup of sugar, 8 eggs, make sure they are separated, 2 tablespoons of dark rum, 1 lemon zest, 1/8 teaspoon of salt, 1/3 cup of minced almonds, 1 cup flour mixed with 2 tablespoons of flour, mixed with 1 cup of cornstarch, 2 tablespoons of cornstarch, ½ cup of melted apricot jam. Lastly, you may or may not want to use almond paste, chocolate icing, or powdered sugar, as these are optional.

Now, for the first step, we will whip the butter and sugar well until it is creamy. Remember to gradually add the egg yolks, rum, zest, salt, almonds, flour and cornstarch into the butter-sugar mixture until a light, foamy batter forms.

[Crowd oohs and aahs]

Germany: Next, we'll beat the egg whites until very stiff, and fold them gently into the batter. Then, pour about two tablespoons of batter, make sure the layers are thin, into an 8 ½ inch spring form pan greased with butter. Next, take the batter in the pan and put in the uppermost rack in the oven, or you may broil it in a preheated oven for 2 minutes, or until golden brown. Watch carefully tough, this browning can happen very quickly. You should repeat this step until all the batter is gone, this should provide you with 14-16 layers. When the cake is done, let it sit for a few minutes before running a sharp knife on the side of the pan. Remove the cake from the pan and glaze it with the apricot jam. Once the jam Is set, you can add an additional glaze of thinned almond paste, or immediately finish the cake with a thin icing made from powdered sugar or chocolate.

Now, we have one that's been chilling for a few minutes, who would like to be my test subject and come and taste it

[Crowd goes wild and shouts "pick me"}

Germany: How about you….

[points to random guest]

Random guest: [contains fangirl

Moment and walks to meet Germany]

Germany: Hallo, what's your name

Random guest: [insert name]

Germany: [essentially feeds random guest a piece of baumkuchen]

Okay [Insert name] so, how is it?

Random Guest: [blushes]

it's good

[Crowd Cheers]

Germany: That's all for our show, Guten Nacht!

(Actual Baumkuchen recipe from:  recipe/baumkuchen-the-king-of-cakes-214171)

4: DumbleDora the Explora: England's misadventures of summoning

England: [walks in basement/lair]

Okay, let's try this again. After that ignorant boob, America interrupted me….

[america and Canada sneak into room]

Canada: [whispers]

I don't know America, I don't think we should be spying on England like this.

America: [whisper]

don't worry dude, it'll be just fine. Let's just watch

England: [Incantation speech ad lib]

Santo-rita-meada-maida. Rico-jonah-tito-marlin. Jack-Latoya-janet Michael- DUMBLEDORA THE EXPLORA!

Canada: [Cowers behind America]

ohh…w-why did I ever l-let you talk me into this A-America?! I shouldn't have trusted you.

America: Oh come on dude, I-

Canada: Do you even know what he's saying? Do You, America?

America: ehhhh….Don't worry Bro, the Limey's probably just singing about roasting Marshmallows and those little cocktail weenie thingies over a campfire or some other crap.

Canada: Really America…Really, ugh.

[stomps off]

America: HEY! Wait up!

[runs after Canada]

[Sebastian appears from cloud of smoke]

England: Finally, someone who isn't Russia.

Sebastian: Your campfire roasted marshmallows and cocktail weenies, sir…

 **5: Big Brother**

Russia: [whimpers]

B-Belarus!

Belarus: [Creepy]

Big Brother….I have come for you

[creepy laugh]

Russia: P-please….g-go away

Belarus: One…two…I'm coming for you

Russia: [whimpers]

Belarus: Three…four…unlock your door

Russia: N-Nyet

Belarus: Five…Six….You know I'll come quick

Russia: S-stop

Belarus: seven…eight….Accept your fate

Russia: [whimpering]

Th-That is creepy. Stop.

Belarus: Nine…Ten, You'll be mine then.

[maniacal laugh]

Russia: [screaming and whimpering]

GO AWAY BELARUS...PLEASE STOP IT…YOU'RE SCARING ME….

Belarus: BIG BROTHER….

Russia: Go Away!

End Scene _

 **#6:** It's The American Dream #1

America: [munches on junk food vigorously]

OMG, this is soooo gooooood. Oh My God!

England: Oi, America, what the bloody heck are you doing

America: Hmm? Oh, ya know, just eating my food.

England: Well I can very well see that you're eating (or rather inhaling it). However, I wouldn't exactly go calling that "food".

[scoff]

I mean….what exactly is this toxic rubbish.

America: This, Britain, is not

[mocks England's accent]

"Toxic Rubbish".

[whispers to self]

Unlike whatever you make.

England: Then what is it?

America: It's a chili cheese dog covered in extra chili cheese, steak sauce and this fancy French stuff called…

[thinks for a moment]…uh, Oh I know! It was called

[ uses very stereotypical French accent]

 _Graisse de saindoux!_

England: [thinks and repeats 'graisse de saindoux repeatedly]...

[facepalms] America…you twit!

America: [talks with food in mouth] W-what did I do!

England: America, Listen to me. [places hands on America's shoulders and speaks slowly and clearly] _Graisse de Saindoux_ means 'Lard fat'.

America: [shrugs]

so….[eats more]

England: you are literally eating diabetes and fat, and you could die!

America: HAHA! Funny…anyway, for starters, I'm a country… I cant just die like that. Number two,

[scoffs] why do you care? You're not my dad…

England: [sigh]

No. I'm not. I may not be able to tell you what to do. However, I am worried about you. No matter what happens, you are my little brother and I deeply care about you. I don't want to see you fall. Do you understand?

America: Oh, I understand. I understand that you are just jealous that I have better tastes than you.

England: [growls with fury]

AMERICA. THAT'S NOT IT!

[sigh] Okay, you know what? Obviously you won't listen to me. Your head and skin are just about as thick as your waistline [pokes America in the gut]…but, go ahead and do whatever the bloody heck you very well please. I don't care. However, don't say I didn't warn you…

[exits off stage]

America: [yells]

Tch, whatever limey. I know what I'm talking about!

[walks off stage]

The next day

America: I do a lot of activities and crap…so it shouldn't be that bad…

Nurse: Okay mr. Jones, the doctor will see you now.

America: [sighs]

well, here goes nothing,

[walks with nurse]

Nurse: Okay Mr. Jones, you may step off now.

America: [steps off]

Nurse: please follow me

America: [follows nurse]

America: SO, what are my measurements…no doubt amazing

Nurse: Umm, well, let's put it this way sir…you are a growing young man.

America: Okaaaayyy. So what are they, don't hold back on me.

Nurse: okay, so your height is 5'9.6"…

America: Okay….and my weight?

Nurse: 180 pounds. BMI is 26.1

America: oh….[enthusiasm deflates]

and what does that mean.

Nurse: You can ask the doctor when he comes in.

America: thank you.

Nurse: have a good day Mr. Jones

[walks out]

Doctor: [walks in]

Good Morning _**Mr**_. Jones

America: morning Doc.

Doctor: [checks out records]

So it says here _**Mr**_. Jones that you have grown considerably since your last visit.

America: [silent nod]

Doctor: Otherwise you're in perfect health. So shall we talk about your daily habits, so that you may improve them and improve your health. A healthy lifestyle is vital if you want to stay in great physical condition. Plus, I know how this works, Alfred, you're young and want to please the ladies.

America: True

Doctor: In able to do that, you have to improve your habits.

America: I understand

Doctor: So what do you usually eat for breakfast?

America: Well, I'm quite busy most of the time, and since McDonald's has all day breakfast now, I just get something from there.

Doctor: Like what, give me an example of what you would get.

America: Umm, well…I usually get about 3 mcgriddles…sometimes I get the pancakes….ummm, yea

Doctor: [shakes head]

those things, and all of their food in itself…NO good. You need to make better choices. However, I understand that you have a busy schedule. So, if you don't have time…get the oatmeal from McDonald's.

America: Hmm

Doctor: So what do you typically eat for the rest of the day?

America: Mostly burgers, Sometimes I'll go with a hotdog…but they make me feel weird psychologically…but that's about it. Oh, yesterday I had this amazing chili cheese hotdog, covered in even more chili and cheese, steak sauce, and graisse de saindoux.

Doctor: You do realize that Graisse de Saindoux means lard fat, right?

America: Why does everyone know French but me? Ugh.

Doctor: My God, Mr. Jones, you need variety and more green in your diet…and…I'm sorry, but you need to make so many more adjustments. I'm utterly shocked that you are in this great of health and that your only problem is that you are overweight.

America: I-I am?!

Doctor: yes you are Mr. Jones. The nurse didn't tell you?

America: N-No, she said it was better if I asked you.

Doctor: Hmm…anyway, you have to at least get down to 160. That shouldn't be too hard.

Time skip

America: [pace back and forth]

Oh man…this is bad….maybe England was right….I need help. Desperately…But I can't mention anything to England, he'll give me another 10 hour "I told you so" speech. But, who? [more intense thinking] Ooh, I know! I'll ask Germany to help me, he's super buff.

End Part 1

 **#7: Prussia's lessons in How to be** **Awesome part`1**

Prussia: Hallo there, it is me, the Awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt and today, I will teach you how to be awesome. To demonstrate the way, I have a special guest. Ladies and Gentlemen, our guest star, the host of _Baking with Germany,_ my brother…Ludwig Beilschmidt.

Crowd applauds

Germany: [walks on stage]

Prussia: Hey bro

Germany: Hallo

Prussia: So, how is life. I know that you have a new book out called "The way of Deutschland". Can you give us a bit of a summary

Germany: well, basically…It's a compilation of recipes from our childhood. It has everything from Old Man Fritz's spice cookies to Goering's Roast Duck. The best thing is, I altered it so that it would be a healthier substitute than the original

Crowd: Ooh Ahh

Prussia: that's mein health nut bruder

Germany: Ja, well I'm just trying to help people get healthier, ya know.

Prussia: Ja. I understand. I also understand that you are quite a hit with the frauen out there, seeing that you sometimes cook with your shirt off

Ladies in audience: [fangirl]

Germany: [scratches back of head in abashed manner] Umm…I, I guess. Well, Ja, it can get hot near the ovens und stoves und stuff.

L.I.A: [fangirl] Take it off! [continue chanting]

Prussia: We'll get to that later, because…today we will be focusing on attire. Step five on how to be awesome has to do with apparel.

Crowd: [cheers]

Prussia: So, to help us out with that is my next guest, a fashion guru all the way from the country to the east… Feliks Lukasiewics

Crowd: [cheers]

Poland: [walk out on stage]

Hey Ladies and Gentlemen.

Prussia: Long time, no see Feliks

Germany: Great to see you again

Poland: So what's been going on since I've last seen you?

Prussia: Nothing much

Poland: So, you mean you never got anywhere with that little Canadian friend of yours? I, like, totally ship you guys.

Prussia: [scratches head in embarrassment]

Umm, can we not talk about this? L-Let's move on shall we?

Germany: I agree, I don't want to be interrogated either.

Poland: don't worry, I'll, like, get to you later.

Germany: Oi…oh yay

Prussia; So, Feliks, how do we become more awesome based on what we wear?

Poland: Well it is important to keep up with the trending styles. For instance, lederhosen…For traditional celebrations and stuff like that, where wearing it is normal…that's okay…but for everyday wear…No, never.

Germany: aha…

Prussia: seriously though. I saw a guy walking down the street to the local supermarket…wearing lederhosen.

Poland: oh, boy

[shakes head]

Germany: Is there a way to prevent such a mistake?

Poland: Absolutely Ludwig, I have a new book coming out called "Bajecznie Mnie" or Fabulously Me

Germany: sounds interesting

Poland: It's a book that basically, like, guides even the most ordinary of humans on a journey on how to be fabulous, like me.

Prussia: [snicker]

Gee, someone's modest.

Germany: [elbows Prussia]

Prussia: [winces in pain]

So, Ja. Everyone in the audience will be receiving a copy of Feliks' book.

Audience: [cheers]

Prussia: So, will we be checking out some of these things in the book today

Poland: sure, I don't see why not.

Audience: [cheers]

Poland: So, to get this on the road, I will need three models.

Germany: Well, where are they

Poland: That's funny Ludwig. You two are the models and I have one other person.

Germany: Oi

Prussia: Who is it

Poland: I'm going to ask her to come out. Please welcome the star of the movie "Change" And the author of _My Life of Confusion and Discovery,_ Elizaveta Hedervary

Crowd: [cheers]

Hungary: [walks on stage]

Hello everybody!

Germany, Prussia, and Poland: [exchange greetings with Hungary]

Poland: So now that we have all of the models, I have a style team backstage that will help you guys.

Germany: Guess we should get going then.

Prussia: We're gonna get ready and we'll be back after the break, stick around

Crowd: [cheers]

 _I'm Awesome_ Plays

 _ **End part 1**_

 _ **END ACT 1**_


	2. Chapter 2

Hetalia Axis Musical…thing…Act 2

Germany, Hey Germany

Germany: [Pause in plank/pushup position]

dreizig…einunddreizig…zweiunddreizig…dreiunddreizig…

(thirty…thirty-one…thirty-two…thirty-three)

Italy: Hey, Germany!

[Runs on stage]

Germany: What?

Italy: Something happened to Japan!

Germany: WHAT HAPPENED?! Does he need medical attention?!

Italy: [Snicker]

He…he broke his Japan-knees

[breaks out in laughter]

Germany: UGH! ITALY, I THOUGHT IT WAS SERIOUS!

Italy: [Tugs on Germany's hands]

Aww come on Germany, it was just a joke. Now you tell one!

Germany: No. I will not indulge in such foolishness

Italy: Come on Doitsu~ You're young, live a little.

Germany: Nein!

Italy: Come on. I've been having a bad day and a joke would really cheer me up.

Germany: …Ugh, fine!

[ponder for a few seconds]

What's the difference between America and yogurt?

Italy: I don't know, what?

Germany: After a while, yogurt develops a culture.

Italy:

[Laugh]

Tell another one Germany.

Germany: O-Okay…um…a Russian lady goes up to a mechanic with a large moustache and says that she needs help with her car. The mechanic with the large moustache says "What is wrong with your car." The lady replies with, "It's Stalin."

Italy:…OH! I GET IT! Good one!

[Laugh]

Germany: [Chuckle]

Ja…I guess it was, now you tell one.

Italy: Okay…

Japan: [Quietly walk onto the side of the stage]

Italy: So, how do you know if a Japanese man snuck into your house?

Germany: I don't know. How?

Italy: Well, all of your electronics are gone and-

Germany: [gesture for Italy to stop]

Italy: three hours later, he's still trying to back out of your driveway.

Germany: [facepalm]

Italy: What's wrong Germany?

Germany: Turn around.

Italy: [turns around]

Oh, hey Japan

[laugh nervously]

Japan: Hey, Italy

Italy: Yes Japan?

Japan: What do you call a bitter German?

Italy: I don't know. Ludwig?

Germany: Hey!

Japan: Good answer, but no.

Italy: Then I really don't know. What do you call a bitter German?

Japan: Sauerkraut

Italy:

[laugh loudly]

I get it. Good one!

{phew}

Germany: Ugh that was cringy

Japan: I have another one.

Italy: I wanna hear it!

Japan: Okay, what is the difference between an alien and a smart Italian

Italy: [look confused]

Germany: What is the difference

Japan: People have actually claimed that aliens exist.

Germany:

[try to hold in laughter]

Italy: I don't get it Germany

Germany: [Pat Italy's head]

Don't worry about it.

It's The American Dream 2

Germany: [Do crunches and count]

97...98...99...100

America: [Think aloud]

Hmmm, based on what Germany is doing, I came to the right person…though, I do hear that his training style is rather intense, from Italy…I don't know, but it's worth a try.

Germany: [stand up from crunch position and start stretching]

America: Hey, Germany, 'Duschland', bro!

Germany: [mutters] It's Deutschland

[sigh] Anyway, can I help you.

America: Why do you assume I need help?

Germany: The only reason you ever visit me and such is when you either want help from me, or either to invite me to one of your parties, and in the party calendar you sent to all of us other countries, the next party is scheduled for three months from now. So, what can I help you with.

America: Okay, so here's the deal. I went to the doctor's yesterday and they took my measurements and…

Germany: Let me stop you right there, I already have an idea. Let me guess, you want me to help you lose weight or something?

America: Psh, tch, pfffft, hehe as if…

Germany: [give 'honestly dude' face]

America: How'd ya know?

Germany: Well, whenever people visit me and mention the words "doctor" and "measurements" it usually leads to them asking me for help. So, it's nothing new.

America: Thank goodness, I didn't want to be the first one, that would be awkward…

Germany: Ja.

America: So, you can help me?

Germany: Of course.

{I'll Make A Man Out Of You- Mulan}

Germany: Let's get down to business, to get you in shape

America: [Complains about having to run far]

Germany: Shut up, there's no need for you to remonstrate. You are spineless, pale, pathetic, stout, and you cannot take a hint. Mister I…will train you…till you're fit.

America: I'm never gonna catch my breath. Say goodbye to my friends for me. Dude, I was a dunce for eating way too much. This dude's got me scared death. Dude, I think might have asthma. Why didn't I just listen to Britain.

Background singers: Pudgy Man

Germany: You must exercise. Work off that hot dog

BGS: Pudgy Man

Germany: With all the force to achieve your goals

BGS: Pudgy Man

Germany: Just trust me, do as I command. You should've just listened, now it's out of hand!

BGS: Pudgy Man

Germany: You must exercise, work off that Big Mac

BGS: Pudgy Man

Germany: with all the force to achieve your goals

BGS: Pudgy Man

Germany: Just trust me, do as I command. You should've just listened, now it's out of-

America: [Out of breath]

ENOUGH! I've had enough of this mockery and your rude background singers! Thank you kindly Germany, but I gotta go.

[Runs/staggers off stage]

Germany: [scratches head]

What background singers? There was no singing…

[shrugs and jogs off stage]

_To Be Continued_

Meme Team is the Dream Team

America: So Meme Team, as your captain of Memes, I have decided to call this meeting today to decide what new memes we should start up. Any ideas? Master Manga?

Japan: H-Hai, I suggest we use Osomatsu-san. Or Sakamoto desu ga? Perhaps Dangan Rompa…

America: Hmm, Intriguing…Professor Pun?

Prussia: First of all, what's with these lame names? Second of all…I don't know.

[cellphone rings- _The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test-}_

[turns phone on silent]

Sorry, it was just Hungary. Anyway, what was I saying?

America: Y-Your ring tone.

Prussia: The Pacer test thing? What about it?

America: I think we found our new meme guys.

Japan and Prussia: Oh dear Lord…

Prussia's Lessons in How to be Awesome 2

' _I'm Awesome' plays_

Poland: Hello we are back, welcome to Prussia's Lessons in How to Be Awesome. I am introducing after the previous break because our host, his brother, and model volunteer, Elizaveta are waiting to walk down the runway. So without further ado, let's begin. Lights!

Stage hand: [turn on spotlights]

Poland: Music!

Sound tech guy: [play Euro techno]

Prussia: [walk down the runway with much suave and swagger, pose, then step off to the side]

Ludwig: [walk down the runway with much swagger and suave, pose, walk to the side]

Elizaveta: [strut like a bold, fierce sass queen, pose, blow a kiss to the audience and walk to the side]

Poland: [stand up from seat and clap]

That was wonderful you guys, fabulous!

SH: [turn lights back on]

Poland: So let's discuss, shall we?

Prussia: I have to admit, that was cool.

Poland: Of course

[scoff]

And you were hesitant to try

Germany: [scratches back of head]

Hehehehe…well

Poland: Anyway, we shall start with Gil. Gil is wearing [describe clothing]

Crowd: [ooh ahh]

Poland: Ludwig is wearing

[describe clothing]

Crowd: [ooh ahh]

Poland: Last, but certainly not least, the lovely Elizaveta is wearing

[describe clothing]

Crowd: [ooh ahh]

Poland: So to end this segment a bit of fan service will be provided to the ladies in the audience, and for you men who are ya know…umm. So ARE YOU READY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?!

Crowd: [cheer]

Germany: Do we have to?

Prussia: Ja, we do.

Germany: [sigh]

…okay…

Sound Tech guy: [plays clubby Euro techno]

Prussia and Germany: [slowly remove shirts]

Crowd: [cheers, faints, screams, swoons and the like]

Prussia: that's it for this segment. I would like to thank our guest, Feliks Lukasiewics and actress, Elizaveta Hedervary, and we'll be right back after the break.

' _I'm Awesome' plays_

Introduction to the Nordics

Narrator: Now, as we have covered the axis, allies and some other characters, those not to completion;, there were others not mentioned, such as-

Denmark: [walks on stage with much confidence and energy] Hello there people, 'tis I, Denmark, king of Scandinavi-

[freeze in time]

Narrator: Every single time! Anyway, this is Denmark, ex Viking and no longer King of Scandinavia

Denmark: I heard that!

Narrator: Shut up before I push you, only for you to fall face first into a pile of Legos. Anyway, all those Lego bricks you would play with, but then possibly step on…all this guy's doing.

Finland: [walk on stage]

Denmark, we heard people off in the distance and you talking What's going on? Mister Sweden and I were wondering.

[turns to look at audience]

Oh, who are these p-

[freezes in time]

Narrator: This adorable cinnamon bun is Finland. Also an ex Viking and a killer sniper, no pun intended, he can also hold his drinks quite well. But don't anger him. Like I said, ex Viking, killer sniper, plus… you could end up on the naughty list. He is Santa after all.

Sweden: [walk on stage]

Hmph, who froze m' w-

[freezes in time]

Narrator: This charming fellow and ex viking is Sweden, he says that Finland is his wife because of international relations, no yaoi, but Finland doesn't see the relation as that, but more of a master to servant, or sensei to apprentice kind of relationship.

Iceland: [walk on stage]

Ugh, I think I finally lost Norway. Hey, why is everyone fr-

[freeze in time]

Narrator: This angsty teen is Iceland. He has a pet puffin…since he lives far away from the other Nordics, he can be a bit behind on modern customs. He doesn't like to admit that Norway is his older brother since he lost a bet which I will explain later

Norway: [walk on stage]

Come on Iceland, it's not that hard, just say my name, call me big brother. Say big bro-…why is everyone frozen, what the-

[freeze in time]

Narrator: This monotone man country is Norway, the reason that he keeps telling Iceland to call him big brother is because they are indeed brothers. Iceland opted to take a DNA test (or, to be realistic in terms, an excavation was performed). However, when Iceland found out the results of the test, he became embarrassed to call Norway "big brother" though, he does acknowledge it. I mean, because, who wants to call someone "big brother"? That's humiliating!

Sealand: Finland! Finland! I know what I want for Christmas! A pony, a skateboard, worship and praise and- wait, why is everyone frozen. H-huh? I'm scared. HELP, EVERYONE IS FRO-

Narrator: [sigh]

This annoying little twerp is Sealand. He's not even a country. He's a dinky little, unrecognized micro nation. A seaport located in the North Sea, of the coast of England, with an area of 6 acres and a population of 27 as of 2002, who auctioned himself away on eBay. So an insignificant little twerp is what he is. Quite frankly I don't care if that's rude. I'm just being honest to myself. There you go, and so we have all of the Nordics and the little waste of space and oxygen, Sealand. I will, most likely regretfully, unfreeze them now.

Nordics and Sealand: [Unfreeze]

Denmark: Woah, what happened?

Norway: The narrator froze us all

Finland: But why? Any ideas Swe, I mean, Mister Sweden?

Sweden: [shrug]

Sealand: It's because the narrator is rude he/she called me an annoying little twerp.

Iceland: Well, I think he/she's cool, plus he/she's not exactly wrong.

Narrator: Why thank you. Anyway, the reason why I froze you all is because every time I try to do these intros, I keep getting interrupted and people keep breaking the fourth wall. We need a break from fourth wall breaks. Plus, freezing people is cool. Watch.

Denmark: what are you doing? N-

[freeze]

Narrator: [laugh]

If only you understood the pleasure in this amount of power.

Denmark: [ freeze and unfreeze according to narrator's wishes] That's not cool, stop. That's not funny

All except Denmark: [snicker]

Narrator: [cease in freezing and unfreezing Denmark]

Denmark: thank you, oh great narrator.

Narrator: No need for that snide remark. I will start freezing and unfreezing you again.

Denmark: NO THANK YOU!

Iceland: What are we still here for, the intro is basically done.

Sweden: Hmmph

Narrator: Right. It is…umm, I apologize, I'm just used to these running themselves because of the interruptions and fourth wall breaks. Well…I guess that's all…say good bye guys

Denmark: Farvel

Finland: Hyvaesti

Iceland: Bless

Norway: Ha det

Sweden: Hej da

Sealand: Goodb-

[freeze]

Narrator: Haha. I'm sorry, it's just…ya know.

Iceland: [nod]

Yea…I know.

Sweden: Hmmph

[shrug and pick up Sealand, carry him off stage]

Other Nordics: [follow Sweden.]

Russia went Ax- crazy

Lithuania: Guys, I'm concerned, Russia's been acting really abnormal lately.

Estonia: Define 'abnormal'. Remember, this is Russia we're talking about.

Latvia: Yea. E-Estonia's right…though I have noticed as well, it's really scary

[cower behind Estonia]

Lithuania: well, he's been training a lot…and he's been consuming mass quantities of fish…

Estonia: Maybe he's becoming a pescatarian

Lithuania: His hands were bloodied and he was wielding an ax

Estonia: Umm…He's becoming a pescatarian lumberjack?

Lithuania: Honestly? You could come up with something better than that…unless you don't have any ideas.

Estonia: Uhhhhhh…

Lithuania: Exactly

Latvia: Let's face it, he's planning on taking us all out, one by one.

Russia: Hello Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia.

Baltics: Ah! H-Hello Mr. Russia…

Russia: What are you guys talking about?

Lithuania: Nothing, just some plans for upcoming celebrations.

Russia: Aha

[stoop down to Latvia]

What kind of celebrations, Latvia?

Latvia: eh…uh…s-stuff like…uhhh, your birthday.

Russia: But my birthday isn't until December, it's August. What are you really talking about little ones?

Latvia and Lithuania: [Push Estonia towards Russia]

Estonia: H-Hey…umm…anyway. We are concerned. You've been acting abnormal recently…

Russia: [stand to full height]

Estonia: [loudly gulp]

S-Sir…

Russia: Abnormal you say…hmmm…

Baltics: [shudder in fear]

Russia: Well if you must know. I've been training for a manliness competition and I would really like to beat America this year. So, please do not interrupt me.

Estonia: Hmm, then what's with the mass consumption of fish.

Russia: I've grown quite a liking to fishing recently and I go on quite a lot of fishing trips. Whatever I catch, I eat.

Baltics: Ah…I see.

Lithuania: What about the ax and your bloodied hands.

Russia: That is to my discretion

Lithuania: So you're not going to go on another killing spree?

Russia: Not unless I have to.

FACE Family Values: America and Canada

America: Hey Canada

Canada: Yes, America

America: Say about

Canada: About

America: Canada, you're supposed to say 'aboot' I thought you were Canadian.

Canada: I am, but who says 'aboot'. That's stupid

America: You actually say it a lot

Canada: Only to appease you and the audience

America: Say 'aboot', say 'aboot', say 'sowory'. Say 'eh'. You say things so weird.

Canada: No I don't, eh- er, How does this sound. Does this sound weird?

[speak slowly and clearly]

Free College, oh wait…no…free…healthcare. Does that sound weird to you?

America: [freezes]

Oh yea. Well how does this sound? Justin Bieber.

Canada: [shrugs]

Oh well, he's no longer my problem, eh.

America: TAKE HIM BACK! 

Canada: Not my problem, eh.

America: Please, dude I-

Canada: Consider him as a present from me to you. That would be rude to return to sender, eh

America: I'll pay you!

Canada: I don't need your money America. Plus, our currencies are different.

America:

[growls then storms off]

Canada: That was a close one, eh. I was aboot to get caught. Poor sowory America.

Kumajiro: Who are you?

Canada: I'm Canada

Suavemente

Spain: Romano, today we are visiting a friend of mine

Chibi!Romano: Who is it jerk Spain, and why do I have to go?

Spain: We are visiting Belgium so that she can take care of you while I'm away fighting. She's very nice and she adores taking care of children such as yourself. I think you two will get along just fine.

CR: Hmmph! Sure, whatever.

Belgium: I can't wait to meet little Romano. I hear so much about him from Spain. I also can't wait to see Spain again. It has been a while.

Spain and Chibi!Romano: [walk on stage]

Spain: This is Belgium, Romano. She will be watching you while I am at war.

CR: [stares in awe]

Besame, Besame! Kiss me, Bella

Spain: Haha, Romano. Behave yourself.

CR: Whatever, jerk Spain

Belgium: Well he sure is…strong spirited.

Spain: Si…imagine having to deal with this a lot more than you will as soon as I leave.

Belgium: Nonsense, I think that's cute. You've got a keeper on your hands, Spain.

Spain: fusososo~. Well, I must be leaving.

[kneel down to Romano's height]

Behave yourself. Don't embarrass yourself or me in front of the pretty lady. Okay?

CR: Si, whatever.

Spain: [sigh]

Okay, I'll be back. Wish me luck

Belgium: Good luck!

Spain: [waves and walks off stage]

Belgium: Come along, Romano, let's go inside

[holds hand out]

CR: [grabs Belgium's hand]

Belgium and Chibi!Romano: [exit stage]

Axis: Stranded

Germany: [write]

I've been on this Island for about two weeks. I feel as if I am holding up pretty well, but the others are a different story. Japan has been trying to stay calm, but his sanity is fading. I don't know whether it's the lack of anime, or pocky, but seeing that he is an Island country, an archipelago to be exact, this is a bit strange to see that he is losing it. Italy is fading as well. He's become clingier than usual, which spells bad news for me. He's been going slightly insane, poor Italy has been making sand structures that look like various pastas, then teaching me about them…in alphabetical order. So far I am only up to Cavatappi. This is going to be another long week if we don't get the help that we need. …-…

[place note in bottle and send out to sea]

Italy: It's time for another pasta lesson Germany! PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!

Germany: Italy, please. Just pipe down und let's get this over with.

Italy: VE~ [drag Germany off stage]

Japan: [walk on stage]

It feels as if we have been on this island for an eternity. I hope we can get help soon. We are good on food, as long as I can keep making sushi…but we don't have rice, but I found a way. However, Italy and Germany don't care for sushi. I haven't been able to catch up on Haikyuu…I must be so far behind. First meetings and work…and now this. I don't know if I can withstand it. I must go find more fruits. I must make banana milk.

America: [walks on stage and signals the rest of the allies to follow]

Okay, Canada. Do you have the bottle?

Canada: Yeah

America: [quiet laughter]

This is so funny. At this rate, they'll never be rescued

England: No one will find them

France: No one will know

Russia: It will be nice to see them lose their sanity, da?

All but Russia: [scrunch together and look at Russia weird.}

China: [walk on stage]

I made another Chinatown. Does anyone want a Chinese tasty treat?

Everyone but China: [come up with a reason to decline]

China: Suit yourself.

America: So what should we do now?

England: I guess we wait…

France: We could go to Chinatown.

America: Sure why not.

All Allies: [all agree then exit stage]

Seychelles: [peer around corner]

Ooh, scandalous.


End file.
